The Satisfaction and Challenge of Being Half Way to Your Destination

I stepped on the scale this morning and realized something. I am, finally, halfway to my weight loss goal. For anyone who hasn’t been keeping track of my Facebook status postings (how can you not!) I have been on a weight loss journey since almost a year ago. Someone had suggested to me that once I got halfway to my goal I should write down my thoughts about what has lead me to this point. I thought it was a good idea, so for the last several weeks I’ve been thinking about how best to articulate my feelings on getting to this point.

You would think someone who loves to talk as much as I do would have no issue putting into words what’s been going on in my life for close to year. But believe it or not I have really struggled with this. Did I want people to know where I started or how I got to where I am today? Would anyone really care? But the conclusion I have come to is that putting pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard to be more precise, isn’t about telling others how I reached this point. It’s about emptying my head of all the thoughts I have had about this journey for my benefit. I’m not, by nature, a selfish person. At least I don’t think I am. So writing all this down for me seems a little....strange. But I have come to the realization that I need to document these things so that I can always go back and read my feelings to date so as to be sure I don’t find myself back where I started.

I make it a point to be lighthearted about this because I’m just not a serious person by nature. So if as you read this you become puzzled by how I put something, most likely I’m merely cracking a joke that, quite possibly, only I will find funny. Just humor me. J

How this all started

Struggling with my weight has always been an issue for me as far back as I can remember. I’ve seen pictures of myself when I was in Kindergarten, First and Second grade. I was average build I would say. Not overweight at all in my estimation. But around Third grade you can tell a marked difference in the way I look, and it wasn’t just that I got taller. From then on, until my sophomore year in High School, I was a fat kid, or, as my jeans once said, “Husky.” BTW skinny people, telling an overweight kid they’re just “husky” doesn’t’ help. We know it’s code for fat. From sophomore year through my senior year I was still overweight, but I had grown into my body and could carry the weight without looking too bad. Plus I played football, so I was supposed to have some size to me.

Things really changed in college. I actually didn’t put on the freshmen 15 as many do. I actually lost about 15 pounds. From second semester freshmen year to the end of my sophomore year of college I hit the gym regularly and played every Intramural sport there was. I really felt like during that time I looked my best. The girls at school seemed to agree. I term this period of time in my life as my “Hot Streak” where girls are concerned. Seldom did a weekend go by where I didn’t have a date. Fortunately for me it was during my hot streak that my beautiful wife finally figured out what she had been missing and agreed to go out with me. And the rest, as they say, is history.

My junior and senior years saw me put back on those 15 pounds and then some. I quit hitting the gym at all, didn’t keep as active as I once had and it began to show. From there began a steady increase in my weight that would continue well into my 30’s. During this time I tried many diets. Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Body for Life and the South Beach Diet. I lost weight on all of them but inevitably my job and the travel it required would throw me off and I’d be right back where I had started.

The Trigger

By the age of 30 I was at my highest weight ever. I would go to the doctor for my yearly physical, knowing full well what he was going to say. “David, your blood pressure is too high and so is your weight. I want you on a low calorie/low fat diet and you need to start exercising.” My response was always the same. “Absolutely, you’re right.” I’d then leave the office and grab a burger on my way back to work.

It’s not that I didn’t know he was right. I absolutely knew he was right. I knew what was in store for me. I had seen my dad and both his brothers living with diabetes. At the age of 49 my father started having chest pains one night and then, on Valentines Day of 1997, he had heart surgery. My uncle Kenneth had had a heart attack as well so, genetically speaking, my future had been written. There was no doubt of what I was in store for if I didn’t change my life. But in my mind I kept saying, I’ll get it together before then. I’m still young right now. I need to enjoy myself. The problem is I wasn’t enjoying myself. I was tired all the time, hated how I looked and had very little energy to play with my kids. I couldn’t chase them around the backyard for more than 2 minutes without getting winded. I would worry frequently that my wife, who is so beautiful, would leave me because I wasn’t attractive to her. It’s not easy for me to admit that, but it weighed on me heavily (no pun intended).

It wasn’t a single event that got me serious about losing weight, but there was a catalyst that set everything I had experienced, and was experiencing, into motion towards today. As silly as it seems I was watching the Travel Channel and they were doing a show on Disney Weddings. My daughter Madeline adores Disney World and was a princess fanatic since the age of 2. She sat on the couch next to me mesmerized by the weddings. She particularly loved the part where the bride got to ride to the wedding in Cinderella’s coach. At one point she turned to me and said, “Daddy, I want to have a Disney wedding and ride in Cinderella’s coach.” I told her we could arrange that but she had to decide what she wanted more, to go to college or have a Disney wedding. To no surprise at all, she chose the wedding. Then we saw the reception and a father dancing with his daughter the bride. I really began to think. Would I be physically able to dance with my daughter at her wedding? Forgetting for a moment the heart attack that might ensue just from the price tag involved, would my knees or ankles, which already ached after too much activity, be able to support me in the effort? And what about my littlest girl Ellie? Could I dance with her in the group meeting room at the YMCA? The only room I could afford for her reception due to spending every dime I had on her sister’s Disney wedding? Naturally I’m joking. Neither of my daughters will be permitted to marry.

The things running through my mind at that point lead me to an inescapable conclusion. I was, in no uncertain terms, selfish. It was selfish of me to continue to treat my body so irresponsibly without any thought as to the impact on my wife and kids. It was selfish of me to not consider what impact the future health issues I was guaranteed to suffer would have on them. It was selfish of me not to consider the future blessings God would have for me that I could never enjoy because I was physically unable to. Chasing my kids around the yard and playing sports with them without being winded the whole time. Some of the best memories I have are playing softball on the same team as my father. Going places with my wife when we are finally able to retire and being active. Playing with the grandchildren my son Andrew may have, or the ones my single daughters would adopt when they hit their mid 30’s. I was selfish. I needed to put my family first.

The Solution

To date I’ve kept fairly quiet about what I have done to lose the weight. When most people have asked I simply say, “I eat less and exercise.” Those are both true. But what I leave out is the reason why I eat less. After consulting with my doctor, and having extensive conversations with my wife, I elected to have Gastric Banding surgery. You may have seen the commercials for the Lap Band on TV. That is what I had done. I chose to keep it a secret from most people simply because my ego necessitated it for a while. I didn’t want people to know I was having “the fat surgery” as I had dubbed it in my mind. After having to deal most of my life with the ridicule that came from being overweight, I didn’t want to face ridicule for how I was fixing the issue of being overweight. Gradually I have told a few more people and have found nothing but well wishes and support. So I decided when I reached my halfway point I would just let everyone else know through this account. I’m at peace with it.

I struggled for a while coming to the decision to have it done. I felt like I was wimping out. That by getting the Lap Band I was admitting I was too undisciplined to do it on my own. In short, my pride was holding me back. My primary care physician, Dr. Bachelor, was who helped me cut through that. He sat me down and said, “David, your lifestyle, with 3 kids and a job that keeps you on the road, just isn’t conducive to sustained weight loss. It’s too easy for life to get in your way and hamper your progress.” He was right, and I knew it. I actually teared up in his office while talking to him, telling him how much I didn't want to look and feel like I did anymore.

Getting the Lap Band was not “cheating” or an admission of defeat. It was an acknowledgement that I needed some help to keep me on track to losing weight. If you want to know what the Lap Band does, in simple terms, it keeps me honest. It keeps me from overeating, my main problem throughout my life. Can I still overeat? Sure. But there is a very unpleasant consequence waiting for me if I do. Unpleasant enough that I have great incentive to stay disciplined.

Dr. Bachelor referred me to Dr. David Voellinger. Dr. Voellinger is a Bariatric Surgeon and one of the best in the region. The advantage to going to him wasn’t just that he was a good surgeon. It was that he had an entire program in place before he would even operate on you. You had to commit to an extended program over several months to alter your lifestyle. You can’t be successful with any bariatric surgery unless you change the way you manage your diet and live your life. Many people think you just get the Lap Band and eat whatever you want, just less of it. Yes, you can do that, but you will see very little success in losing weight. I have had to change what I eat and how I eat, as well as exercise at least 3 times a week to garner the success I have had. Dr. Voellinger’s program and caring staff made sure that when it came time for my surgery I was set up to be successful. Diet and exercise consultations, support groups and a battery of tests all went towards a single goal, to ensure that this surgery would work and change my life as I needed it to.


Moving Forward

As I said, I am halfway to my weight loss goal. Believe it or not, this was the easy part. The common flow is that the first half of weight loss after surgery goes fairly smoothly. The second half is where it becomes more of a challenge because just eating less isn’t enough to keep going. You need to begin to modify your diet as well. I’ve already started that process somewhat. I eat a lot more fish than I ever used to. In fact I’ve become a big fan of Mahi-Mahi and Tilapia. Thankfully Dr. Voellinger has a nutritionist who will be meeting with me to plan my diet out going forward.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that I never could have been successful in this effort without the love and support of my amazing wife Amanda. The encouragement and support she has shown me has been astounding. Whether it’s having to constantly buy protein shakes for me to drink, or to deal with all three kids in the morning while I go run, she has been essential for me to keep on track with my weight loss. I can honestly say that no woman on earth could have ever been the blessing to me that she is. I thank God every day that he gave me a gift like Amanda, in spite of the fact that I am so unworthy of her.

So that’s my story…so far. I have a long way still to go but I am happy and confident that I will reach my destination in due course. I have no idea what the future holds. I don’t know if I’ll be able to enjoy all those things in the coming years that I was worried I would miss due to my health. But what I do know is this, if for some reason I never get to experience all those future blessings that my life may hold, it will not be because I was selfish. It will not be because I weigh 317 pounds.